The Demented and Random Dreams of Harry Potter
by Hyper Hippie
Summary: ON HOLD! Well basically 'The Demented and Radom Dreams of Harry Potter' which i warn you may scare younger readers. Rated for language.
1. Chapter 1

A/n: Hey new story here which I think is very funny. Me and my friends (maniac inc.) have wrote this well they gave me ideas and I wrote the chaps. Hope you enjoy it.

Chapter 1

Blood and bones were everywhere.

Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Hagrid and Remus lay spaced out on the blood red ground.

'You bastard' hissed Harry as Voldemort stomped on Remus, but Voldemort chuckled.

'See what you have done boy, I am almost ashamed to admit that you are my own flesh and blood'.

'What!' shouted Harry in shock,' I am no where near related to you!'.

Harry shot the cutting hex at him engaging himself and Voldemort into a duel.

Duck, dive, left, right, spell, spell, duck, hex, left, right, hex and on went the battle

'This is it Tom' growled Harry

'Hahahahaha Harry you fool'

'No I 'ent'

'Yes you are I mean come on I doubt you'd kill your own –'

'-what arch enemy'

'No Harry your father'

'What'

'I'm your father'

'What'

'I'm your father'

'What'

'Oh for heavens sake children I'm your fucking dad'

'Huh?'

'Argg my son is thick'

'Don't worry daddy'

Suddenly Voldemort and Harry got up and started to dance and sing to 'we are family'

In Gryffindor common Harry awoke panting with beads of sweat rolling down his face. 'I have to stop watching Star wars it is not good for my mental health'

Deep, deep, deep underground a snake faced man suddenly started to scream clutching teddy bear 'Ted' thinking _Potter will pa, I mean please you do not have dreams like that its just …_Voldemort shuddered at the horror of it all.

A/n: So what do you lovely people think.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/n: Sorry it's taken so long to update but I was workin' on my other story then I just couldn't be bothered to type which was really bad, but I'm back in action YEAH!**

Chapter 2

Harry struggled against the binds that held him hostage.

"Potter" cried an oddly high pitched voice that sounded strained, "stop struggling I'm trying to do my make-up", Harry strained his ears and found that the voice came from the shadows.

"Show your self" his hoarse voice echoing around the room.

"Can I at least finish my make-up?" the voice asked,

"Err sure" said Harry worriedly confusion etched across his face.

30 minutes later

"Oi Potter can you wake up because I mean like u have to see my grand entrance"

Harry awake just in time to see a small figure with long blond hair step out of the shadows.

"V…Vo…Voldemort" he stuttered out,

"Yes of course it's me who else would carry things dashing looks?" asked Voldemort,

"Hang on a second, have you shrunk and grown hair oh my god Voldemort have you grown a nose!" Harry said gob-smacked,

"Yes quite stunning really isn't it?" Voldemort did a very worrying movement with his hair, (A/n: like prince charming in shriek 2 at the beginning).

"Voldemort are you ok?"

"Yes never been better thank you Harry"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes quite, though Harry there is something I must tell you"

"Oh and what's that?" Harry asked thinking he had heard and seen it all, Voldemort ripped of his cloak and said, "Harry I'm your mother"

Whatever Harry had been expecting it wasn't that! He uncertainly took a look at his 'mother'; he/she wore a cocktail dress that was a deep blood red, sliver stilettos, her/his hair in pig tails and a few ringlets surrounded her/his face, her/his blue eye sparkling under her light blue eye shadow.

Harry's binds dropped of him, "Give your mom a hug darling"

Harry unsteadily walked towards her/him, and they finally meet in a hug.

0202020202020202020202020202

"ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

G,gaspGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

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GGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG"

Voldemort screamed clutching Ted for the second night in a row.

0202020202020202020202020202

"ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gaspGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,gasp,GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG"

(A/n: sound familiar), screamed Harry, "That's it no more Star wars OR thumb wars"

Ron who had heard Harry's exclamation, grinned manically grabbed all his star wars and thumb war thing's then set them a light, "Pretty lights" giggled Ron whilst Harry had a Darth Vador moment.

**02020202020202020202020202**

**A/n: Darth Vador moment it is the 3rd episode when he looks p to the ceiling and starts screaming NO at the top of his voice.**

**So what do you think and I've decided 5 reviews 1 chap and so on.**


	3. Chapter 3

_A/n: right sorry 'bout the delay my fellow fan fiction people…_

_Here's the update that no body has been waiting for._

_**Chapter 3 **_

_**The Hula**_

"Ok Voldie what do you want know?" Harry asked tiredly, his right hand on his hip, his emerald green eyes fixed on the snake like man in front of him.

"Well to be truthful Potter I don't think this whole Cruciatus thing is working on ya." The snake dude answered.

Harry nodded in an agreement.

"So I've decided, 'cause I'm so kind, that you will have the honour of being tortured by my new and improved method."

"Joy" sarcastically answered Harry rolling his eyes.

Voldie grinned, "You want be like that was my torture has started"

"Whatever Big V"

Voldemort TRIED to raise an eyebrow. The key word in that sentence; TRIED.

Harry TRIED not to fall on the floor, laughing hysterically. Yet again the key word is; TRIED.

"WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT BOY!" shouted Big V, hence the 3 exclamation marks and the capital letters.

"You… you … you 'ent got no eyebrows" Harry managed to say before clutching his stomach in pain, yet the tears of joys still flowing from his eyes.

Big V glared menacingly, which unfortunately went wasted away on Harry who was still on the floor.

Voldemort went up to hi and picked him up by the scruff of the neck he chucked Harry on the pink fluffy chair. Voldemort's eyes widened, "Oops wrong chair"

The chair quickly swapped to hard wooden chair.

Harry pouted unhappily "I preferred the Pink one, change it back!"

"NO!" shouted Voldie his face still in Harry's.

"God Voldie have you very heard of tic tacs"

Voldie got a look of thought upon his face, "No I can't say that I have" Voldie answered.

"O" said Harry looking down.

Hours passed as the 2 enemies sat in a comfortable silence until …

"Why? I mean why did you want to know if I had heard of tic-tacs?"

"O that" laughed Harry, "I just thought you needed one hang on, I think I might have one hear"

Harry looked through out his pockets and pulled out some chewing gum, cap, Quidditch through the ages (shrunk of course), cookies, crisps, a drink, £10 note, 3 2p coins, 1 20p coin, 6 1p coins, 5 hard boiled sweets, mm's peanuts, Jaffa cakes, monster munches, Fanta, water, Blackcurrent, cheese, grapes and … … … … …

A daisy and finally he found a box of super strong mint.

"There you go" said Harry cheerfully offering Voldemort a tic-tac, and then roughly stuffing everything back into the many pockets that had randomly appeared on his robes.

Voldemort eyed the tic-tac wearily. It could be a trap from the LIGHT side, yet it could be a harmless little sweet. He took a deep breath closed his eyes tightly then chucked the tic-tac in his mouth.

"ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGgaspGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGgaspGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGgaspGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGgaspGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGgaspGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG" he cried holding his mouth, "IT BURNS!" Death Eaters ran from many doors from the large circular room.

"Voldemort… my lord shall we proceed with the plan, but faster?" asked one with a silky voice which sounded oddly familiar to Harry.

"Yes" croaked the dark lord his throat sore from screaming.

HE quickly sat "Where is Ted!" he screamed

A different DE ran into the room this time carrying a teddy bear.

Voldemort sighed deeply holding the teddy close to him "Don't worry my lovely Ted, I'm ok. There is nothing to worry about" he carried on whispering quietly rocking back and forth for many minutes before he carefully put Ted under his Robes.

"My faithful subjects, you may proceed on the count of 3" he put up 3 fingers "three… Two" a finger went down, "One" the other finger bent its way down, "Zero" he hissed menacingly putting down the final and only finger left.

Music (sounding Hawaiian) blared from the ceiling. The Death Eater's ripped their robes revealing a Hawaiian suit and they started to dance to the hula.

Bellatrix and Narcissa broke away from the circle of dancing death Eaters and pecked Voldie on the check then came to Harry………………………………

020202020202020202

191919191919191919

Harry awoke sweat dripping down his face, the other Gryffindor boys looking at him worriedly. Harry's eyes widened in horror as the dream came back to mind.

He ran to the bathroom scrubbed his face then ran out of the dorms to find his head of house.

202020202020202020

919191919191919191

Voldemort awoke as normally blah blah blah, though this time Snape heard him and ran to his side. Voldemort told him to collect potter if another dream such as this one accord again.

020202020202020202

191919191919191919

Snape stormed throughout the corridors towards the headmaster's office. Big V had told him if the dream and he was of to report to Big D (Dumbledore).

He swiftly walked to the gargoyle and to his surprise met Minerva McGonagall there with golden boy **joy** the sarcastic man thought to himself.

The trio climbed up the stairs to see big D doing the Hula. The three people that entered the room quickly entered screaming.

Dumbledore looked curiously at the door "I wonder what got into them?"

_A/n: Sorry about the long delay. I was going to update Sunday but I didn't have enough time and over the week I was away with school. So I'm updating now for you lovely people._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Harry sighed deeply as he entered the smallest bedroom on number 4 privet drive.

He sat down on the bed, wincing as one of the bed springs poked him.

Gingerly standing trying to rub the pain out, his emerald green eyes scanned the room.

Same old room, same old road, same old men in black cloaks at the bottom of the road, same old Muggles screaming in pure terror, same old no-nosed-red-eyed-no-hair-in-other-words-bold-70-odd-year-old (in short N.N.R.E.N.H.I.O.W.B.S.O.Y.O).

"Bloody brilliant I've come to the stupid Dursley household to stay away from the threat of friggin' Voldie, and the stupid twat decides to break our pattern and come on get me here! Joy to the… err… world! That's the one"

"You do realise that talking to your self is the first sign of insanity Harry"

Harry looked up and shrugged, "What and having some old raving lunatic, who I might add seems bent on killing you, stuck in your head wouldn't be a… I don't know say reason for this?"

Voldemort looked at him,

"My gosh, I think your right there my friend"

Harry nodded. A shiver went down his spine

"I truly am sorry about that but I must do one thing…"

Harry looked up with a curious expression upon his face

"HUGGIE!" Voldemort called out jumping on Harry to give him a hug

"ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

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GGGGGGGGGGGGG, gasp, GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

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GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG, gasp, GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

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GGGGGGGGGGG, gasp, GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG"

Harry cried running around in circles whilst Voldemort dropped to the floor in pure agony

"O make it stop" he moaned hands covering his ears, "It hurts o please make it stop" he started to sob.

Harry turned around hearing someone crying, he saw Voldie on the ground his arms covering his face.

Harry knelt down beside him

"Hey there Voldie don't cry, I'm sure ………………… Snape would want to give you a hug" Harry said almost feeling sorry for his potions teacher

Voldie looked up,

"Really"

"Yes really", well like I said _almost_

"Yippee" he shouted jumping up, "I'm going to find him and give him a great big hugs"

Snape who had randomly walked into the room started to turn back out hoping not to be spotted

"SNAPIE" Voldie called

"O no you don't" Snapped Snape he lifted his wand and cried……

"SEVVIE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" shouted Aunt Petunia who ran in the room

"You can't kill him, 'cuz he'll get his death eaters on you then you'll die, then I want be able to have a secret affair with you behind Vernon's back"

"Shush Petunia no-one is supposed to know"

"O yeah but is it okay to tell Vernon"

"Of course it is darling"

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬!"""""""""""""""""£££££££££££££££££$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&&&&&&&&&&&&&&((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))))+

A/n: You know I almost feel sorry for Harry. O-well next chap is Harry's response to that dream


End file.
